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Fall Festivities

A little late, but here are some pics from Halloween and our visit to the pumpkin patch...

Happy 1st Birthday Eden!!!

We were blessed with Eden when she was just 36 hours old and she has blessed our lives this past year in so many wonderful ways.  Since she was already a day and a half old when she was placed with us, we unfortunately weren't able to experience her birth.  I get sad sometimes thinking we weren't there to hear her first cry or see her beautiful eyes open for the very first time.  But on her birthday, we heard her cries of joy as she played with all the kids and saw the excitement in her eyes as everyone sang her Happy Birthday.  We may not have been able to witness her day of birth, but we will be there for her at every birthday for the rest of our lives. 

Happy Birthday little one, Mommy and Daddy love you more than words can say!

Here are some pics from her party...

These are her 1 year pictures we went and took at the mall...

 And of course I had to get her last "monthly sticker" picture...

Has anyone else lost their "Followers" list? Help!

My list of Followers has seem to disappeared.  My Dashboard still shows them, but when I select it, the page is blank.  They have also disappeared from my blog page.  Any suggestions?

11 Months Old!

It's so hard to believe that in less than a month our little girl will be turning 1-YEAR-OLD!  These last 11 months have been the most amazing, challenging, rewarding and exhausting time of our lives (and we wouldn't trade one second of it for anything)!  Eden has brought so much joy to our little family.  It's hard to imagine what our lives were like before her.  Well, I do have vague memories of more sleep and free time.  =)  But honestly that is nothing compared to what Eden has given us.

She has progressed developmentally in leaps and bounds.  She is now completely mobile and is running walking everywhere her little legs will take her and as fast as they will take her.  It took her a bit to find the "brakes", so she had a few run ins with the wall.  I think she just gets so excited when she realizes she is walking and wants to go as fast as she can, but then can't stop until the wall stops her.  Poor baby had a few bumps and bruises already (I'm sure not the last). 

Eden has definitely found her voice and is not afraid to share it with everyone.  She loves to scream at the top of her lungs just for the heck of it, and smiles proudly afterwards.  It's so loud I'm sure the neighbors can hear it!  I don't really mind it at home, but not so fun at the grocery store with everyone looking at me like I pinched her or something.  I think we have also reached the "testing mommy/tantrum" phase (which we are trying to nip in the bud right away).  When I tell her "no" or move her away from something she is not supposed to have she will throw herself back or plop on the floor not wanting to move.  If it's something she really wanted, she will follow that with an angry scream.  This is definitely not fun for Mommy.  I know I have to correct this behavior but it's not fun being the bad guy.  Fortunately, we have been able to quickly re-direct her to something else so the tantrum doesn't escalate.  I always said I wasn't going to be one of "those" Moms you see at the store with a tantrum throwing child.  Ha!  Easier said than done!  I'll keep you all updated on that.  =)

Then there is the sweet side of Eden who loves to give kisses and carry her doll around the house with her.  She will even hold up her doll so you can give it kisses.  So cute!  (Daddy taught her that.) 

The last and most sad exciting development is our new bedtime routine.  We used to have to rock her to sleep in the arms before she would go to sleep in her crib.  If we didn't or if we tried to put her down just half asleep, she would scream bloody murder until we came and got her and rocked her again.  Don't get me wrong, I love cuddling with her and seeing her little eyes get heavy until they closed for the night, but some nights it was a 45 min ordeal with her fussing and squirming.  Well just last week after about 45 min of rocking, I decided just to put her in her crib because honestly I was frustrated.  I gave her her blankie and doll, kissed her and told her goodnight...and she just went to sleep...no fussing/crying/anything!  I couldn't believe it.  I checked on her several times afterwards and she was sound asleep, curled up with her blankie.  We have done the same thing with her since and no problems!  I think she was just getting too big and couldn't find a comfy spot in the arms to fall asleep in.  It makes me sad because this is yet another sign that she is a big girl now and not a little baby anymore.  On the other hand, I must admit that bedtime is so much less stressful.  We still have our little routine of bottle, story time, etc.  But then it's to the crib!  =)

Anyways, enough of me yakking (I just had so many updates).  Here are some pics...

Happy 10 months baby girl!

I'm a little late with this post, because we had been out of town and I've been trying to play catch-up with everything.  We went to Illinois to celebrate my Grandmother's 90th birthday.  This was Eden's 2nd flight to Illinois and she did so good.  The last time she flew she was only 6 weeks old, so the experience was VERY different!  She is so active, we were concerned about her sitting in the lap for 3 1/2 hours without flipping out.  We timed the flight just right so that she would at least take her morning nap on the plane and brought tons of things to keep her occupied.  So luckily, we didn't have any "freak-outs".  :)

All of my family loved seeing her and was amazed at how big she had gotten since our visit last December.  Everyone wanted to hold her and Eden graciously went to them, but then quickly changed her mind and wanted Mommy back.  :)  I think being passed around so much left her a little shell shocked because ever since we have been home, she has been SUPER clingy with me!  Her Dad affectionately calls her a "Category 5 Cling-On"  (category 5 being the highest level of clinginess)  LOL.  I have to admit I secretly love the clinginess.  I love that she wants her Momma so much!

Eden is still keeping us busy chasing after her pretty much all day!  She is doing good pulling herself up on things and walking along them.  "Things" being anything in her reach...the couch, cabinets, mommy & daddy.  Apparently, she stood up on her own and took a few steps the other day!  Unfortunately I missed it because I was at work, but her Dad got to see it and filled me in.  She does good walking back and forth to us a few steps, so I'm sure she will be all on her own in that department shortly.  Yikes!!!

Eden's demeanor and personality are just the best.  It comes out more and more everyday.  A few words to describe it the best would be...Curious & Playful with a dash of Stubbornness mixed in.  (I can see her and her Dad bumping heads in a few years because they both can be very stubborn.  LOL  Her new thing is to "scare" us.  She will yell as if to startle us and wait for our reaction.  Of course we act all surprised and make funny faces.  This just cracks her up and will go on and on until she gets bored of our faces.  :)

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you want to see some pics so here goes...

I just love this last one with my 90 year old Grandmother...Priceless!!!

"Exciting Updates"

I almost forgot that I promised you all some exciting updates, so here goes!  :) 

1.  I'm no longer a "part-time" Mommy!  I returned to work when Eden was 3 months old and have felt like such a part-time Mom ever since.  The bulk of my day was spent at work and by the time I picked her up from Grandma's and got home, I only had 2-3 hours of "quality" time with my little pumpkin.  And that was spent feeding her dinner, bathing her, etc.  We really only had a small amount of play time.  By the time she had her last bottle of the night and a quick story, it was lights out!  Even though she is with my Mom during the day, I felt that she needed to be with ME...her Mommy.  I know what it is like to be raised by a FT working Mom and I didn't want that for Eden.  Unfortunately, my Mom had no choice but to work when I grew up and she did the very best she could.  So I spent a lot of time with my Grandmothers when I was little.  Even though they were great, I would've much rather had that time with my own Mother.  So, long story short, my employer has agreed to let me work part time and I will be starting my new schedule next month!  I'm so excited and grateful for this opportunity to be able to spend more time with my baby.  I had been worried about the finances of it all, but we will do just fine.  So we have to cut back a little bit.  It's worth it just to be able to have this time with her in her early years.  I have all kinds of cool activities planned for us, I can't wait!

2.  Eden took her 1st steps!!!  She has been practicing for the past month or so by holding onto the couch and walking along it.  She also uses the handles on a toy pony we got her to walk around the whole house.  But she finally got the courage to take a few unassisted steps!  It's hard to believe that just a few months ago she was this helpless little newborn and now she is completely mobile! 

3.  I've started planning Eden's 1st birthday party already.  :)  We decided on a ladybug theme because we have always called her our little "lovebug".  It's going to be huge!  I know she probably won't remember her first birthday party, but I don't care.  I have waited many years to throw a birthday party for my own child and I want it to be fabulous.  :)  Besides, she will have pictures and video to remember the day and see how much fun she had.  LOL

9 month pics...

Exciting updates coming, in the meantime enjoy these pictures of our big girl!  9 months old (hard to believe)!



Happy 8 month (and 1 week) Birthday Eden! :)

I know I'm horribly late in posting these pics, but I JUST caught Eden!  LOL  Seriously though, since hitting about 7 1/2 months, she took off crawling and hasn't stopped since!  It was like all of a sudden one morning she said "I'm gonna crawl today!"  (and she did)  She was a little wobbly the first couple days, but perfected her technique quickly and that's ALL she wants to do.  About the only time she wants to be held anymore is to eat and maybe a quick story before bedtime.  Otherwise, she's got places to go and people to see!  :)  We started "chasing" her and her "chasing" us.  She will squeal and crawl even faster to get away or to catch us.   It's super cute!  She has also learned to give kisses and wave bye-bye.  I'm amazed at how much and how fast she is learning new things.  The best part is to experience all of her "firsts" through her eyes, truly amazing.

Father's Day

It was my hubby's turn to bask in the joy of this momentous holiday that has passed him by so many years before now.  It warms my heart to see him with Eden day to day, but even more so this past Father's Day weekend.  When we were struggling with my infertility, I often felt guilty that I wasn't able to provide him with the family we both wanted so much.  He would tell me, "Honey, I married you for YOU, not for your uterus!"  LOL  (He has a way with words. ) :)  So it was so so nice to see him as he celebrated his very first Father's Day.  I wanted to make it extra special, so I went all out!  I made him his favorite banana cinnamon pancakes for breakfast, surprised him with a day at the spa for a massage and ended the weekend with a nice dinner.  He works so hard that I thought he needed some pampering.  :) 

Here's a few photos of the proud papa...

Happy 7-month Birthday Eden!

Our little Eden has become VERY active this past month!  She wants to go go go from sunrise til sunset and is wearing her old mom n dad down.  :)  Including rolling all over the place, which she has mastered, she can now pull herself up to a sitting position all by herself.  She can even pull to a standing position if she has something to hold onto, which is so crazy to me because she hasn't even crawled yet (even though it looks like she is trying to).  But, knowing her determined personality, our little girl will probably skip crawling and go straight to walking! 

She also has the beginnings of her VERY FIRST TOOTH!  I can't really see it yet, but can feel the ridges of it popping out of her poor little gums.  Sadly, I think this has been causing her a little discomfort because she has had some really fussy moments throughout the day.  It breaks my heart to think that she is in pain and I just want to make it go away.  And to think, we have a whole mouthful of teeth to go still!  :(

I'm hoping to be able to spend a lot more time at home with her very soon, but that is still in the works.  I don't want to say too much about it and possibly jinx it, but I promise to update as soon as I know more.  :)

In the meantime, enjoy these pics of happier (non-teething) moments.  :)

Lunch with Birthparents

I haven't shared very much about the details of our adoption or about the BP's because it is very personal to us.  I will share though, that our adoption was open and we set it up to have regular visits with Eden's BP's because we feel that this is important for her and everyone involved. 

It's amazing how our feelings about open adoptions have changed throughout this whole process.  In the beginning, when we first even started talking about adoption, this was a very scary thought for me.  I had all of the preconceived notions in my head about the BP's taking the baby back years later, custody battles, etc, etc.  Now, I realize this was simply because we were uneducated about open adoption (like most people are).  Honestly too, I had my own selfish insecurities about it.  I thought, I couldn't bear the thought of another woman holding my baby!  I'm ashamed of myself now for even having the thought, because if it weren't for that other woman, we wouldn't even have our daughter.  Now, I find myself saying, "I can't wait to see them!  I can't wait for them to see Eden!" 

So, we had our first visit with C & D (Eden's BP's) last weekend.  This was our first visit with them since the relinquishment meeting, when Eden was only a few days old.  We actually would've met with them a lot sooner, and did try to, but all of our schedules just didn't make it possible.  The wait however, was worth it because it was an amazing visit!  We had lunch and chatted like old friends.  We talked about how Eden was doing, their recent accomplishments, and how our lives have changed (for the better) since having Eden.  They of course gushed over all of the pictures we gave them of Eden and kept saying how beautiful she was.  (which we have them to thank for) :)  Eden even got to meet her brother! (whom I hope she will be close with growing up)  Both C & D held her almost the entire time, showering her with hugs and kisses.  I felt no weirdness or jealousness about it at all.  I wanted them to experience what we are able to experience with Eden every day.

There was one awkward moment though.  C was holding Eden and trying to get her attention and said "look at mama", obviously meaning herself.  I can't say I was jealous, but it definitely caught me off guard.  I feel bad because I think she noticed my surprised reaction and she apologized.  I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that it was ok.  After all, she is Eden's Mom too!  It's just that my husband and I haven't yet really figured out what to refer to them as when Eden is old enough to understand.  We don't want Eden to be confused, yet we want to give C & D the respect that they truly deserve.  This is something we need to discuss further between all of us.

C also told us the story of how she picked us from the "waiting families" book and how she knew instantly that we were the ones to raise her baby.  This of course brought me to tears.  We feel so honored that she chose us personally!  When the time comes for us to start telling Eden her birth story and how she came to us, I hope and pray she will be comforted in knowing that her BM chose us especially for her.

I am still so amazed by how strong C & D are, not shedding a tear in front of us.  I hope this is because they are comforted in knowing (and now seeing) how well Eden is doing and how loved she is by us.  After lunch we went our separate ways, but promising to see each other again soon.  It's crazy, but I had such an overwhelming feeling of guilt walking away with her.  I just wish our happiness didn't have to be at the expense of someone else's sadness and loss.  It makes us that much more determined to provide the happiest and best life for our daughter possible, so that we live up to this precious gift we were given.

My 1st Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

I just wanted to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there who already have your babies in your arms, to those who have your babies in your tummy, and to those who are still waiting for the news to bring your babies home!

I also wanted to send a special message to the Mother who made it possible for me to celebrate my first Mother's Day.  Thank you "C", for your sacrifice, for your gift, for choosing me to be Eden's Mommy.  No words can ever express how grateful I am to you for your decision.  So I wish you a Happy Mother's Day as well because only a Mother's love could have made this possible.

6 months old!

Yup, 6 months!  I know I say it each and every month, but I still can't believe how fast she is growing up.  We have enjoyed each and every day of these past 6 months with our precious daughter.  Eden is such a happy happy baby.  A friend of ours asked "Does she EVER cry?!"  Yea, she does...when she is hungry or tired.  But other than that, she just has the sweetest and happiest personality.  At her 6 month check up, our pediatrician was like "Wow, you guys have had it EASY!"  So true!  We have been very blessed.

It has been so much fun this past month watching her as she learns new things.  She is now rolling front, back, and everywhere in between!  We kept true to the idea of moving her into her crib permanently once she was able to roll freely.  So I'm proud to share that she is on night 4 in her own room.  The first couple nights were a struggle for both her and us.  She woke quite frequently and when she didn't wake, we were up checking on her.  It only took her a couple nights to get used to the new surroundings and she is sleeping through the night again.  Whoohoo!  She is also doing really well at sitting up on her own and playing.  She is still a little wobbly and tips over at times, but is doing great for the most part.  Lately, she has been fascinated with our dog, Uma.  Whenever Uma comes into her sights, Eden will smile, giggle, and reach out to touch her.  We learned that she is ticklish on her feet when she cracked up as Uma licked her toes and feet.  LOL  I'm sure they will be BFF's once Eden can crawl around after her. :)

Here's a few pics of our love bug...

 Tearing into her Easter basket...

Eden is 5 months old!

I don't know how we got here sooo fast!  Where did month 4 go?!  Before I know it, I'll be planning her 1st birthday party, yikes! 

This past month was a good one as far as milestones go.  Eden is now rolling over at will and rarely wants to lie on her back anymore.  Almost the moment I lay her down, she flips right over!  She has rolled back onto her back a few times, but we still need to work on that a little more until she is comfortable with it. 

She also finally graduated from her pack-n-play and has slept in her crib in her own room a few nights.  Only a few nights, because mom and dad were getting up and checking on her constantly throughout the night.  :)  And when you get up at 5am to go to work, that doesn't work so well!  So we decided that once she gets better at rolling off her tummy then we will transition her in there full time.  Truthfully, I would've used ANY excuse to keep her in the room with us a little longer.  It's so comforting knowing she is right in there with us and I can hear her breath at night. 

Mealtime is going well.  Some of her favorites are sweet potatoes and peas.  She's definitely not a fan of the tart flavors right now like the apples and peaches, but we will keep at it.

Here are a few pics of our little love bug...

Healing

There must be something in the water because in just the last few months almost 10 of our family/friends have either welcomed a new baby into their family or announced their pregnancy!  This time last year that news would have sent me right over the edge, but I'm very happy to say that it doesn't have the same affect on me anymore.  I am truly happy for them all.  Not that I wouldn't have been happy for them before, because it's an absolute blessing.  But, it would've just reminded me of how helpless I felt about my own situation.  Anyone who has had to deal with infertility knows what I mean.  It's really hard to explain this to someone who hasn't experienced some sort of conception problems in one way or another.  Even my own husband really didn't understand it.  I have learned that men and women deal with infertility soooo differently.  When I tried to explain to him that I was mourning, he looked at me crazy.  I had never been pregnant and lost a child, so what exactly was I mourning?  I explained to him that I was mourning the loss of the baby I would never be able to conceive.  Imagine the one thing that you want the most in this world.  The one thing you have been hoping and dreaming for since you were a child.  Then imagine someone telling you that you can NEVER have it...no matter what you do, how hard you try, how much money you spend...you will NEVER be able to have it.  Anyone who can deal with that and not have some feelings of loss is a much stronger person than I! 

But the title of this post is "Healing", so let me tell you how in just one short year, the above news doesn't have me curled up in the corner crying my eyes out. 

As you all can guess, our baby girl Eden has truly healed my heart.  However, I'm ashamed to admit now that adoption wasn't a path I thought I would be able to choose.  It was actually at the first adoption orientation we attended that my eyes were opened.  There was a guest speaker, an adoptive father, who had just recently went through the process.  I remember him asking "What is more important to you?  Being pregnant or being a mother?"  So simple yet so profound.  From that moment on, I knew this path was the one we were meant to be on.

Before that, I was so fixated on getting pregnant and having a biological child at the time.  It became almost an obsession and nothing else was going to be good enough.  I remember telling my Mom at one point "I don't want any random baby, I want MY baby.  I want to look into her eyes and see me."  Wow, was I ever so wrong!  Because Eden IS MY BABY!  I feel she was always meant to be my daughter and that I just had to open my heart and mind so that she could find her way to me.  And the ironic thing is, is that when I look into her eyes, I DO see me!  Being a mom and loving your child is so much more than genetics.  If someone told me today that they could make it so that I could get pregnant and have as many "bio" babies as I wanted, but I had to give Eden up, I would say they were crazy and they could go you know where!  :)  I wouldn't trade her for 100 biological children!  She IS my daughter, period!

While I will always carry with me an infertility scar (both figuratively & literally, from my many surgeries :) ) it has definitely faded to near nothing.  Would I still like to experience pregnancy?  Sure, why not.  But it is definitely no longer a priority or an obsession.  If it happens, great.  And if not, it's really no big deal.  Wow!  I never thought those words would come out of my mouth.  :) 

So, Eden, my beautiful little angel, your Mama thanks you from the depths of my soul for coming into my life and healing this once broken woman.  You were always my path, I just got a little lost on the road.  :)  Love you baby!

4 Months Old & Fabulous!

I know I've said it before, but I still can't believe how FAST time is flying by!  Our baby is 4 months old already.  If only I could stop the clock for a little while or at least slow it down a bit, that would be great.  :)  I still have nothing but good updates on Eden.  I swear we have been blessed with the best baby ever!  LOL  She continues to sleep through the night and I mean ALL the way through.  I usually put her to bed around 8:30 or 9p and she sleeps peacefully until around 7 to 7:30am, at which time she wakes us by "talking".  She has definitely discovered her voice and is not afraid to use it.  She babbles on all day.  It's the cutest thing ever.  We can get her to giggle on command now by acting as silly as possible and tickling her.  There is nothing more sweet to hear than a baby's giggle! 

She did great at her 4 month check up and is now about 13 1/2 lbs and just over 24 inches!  She is doing great propping herself up on her arms and has even rolled over a few times on her own.  We started introducing her to solids this month and she loves them.  She will finish a good serving of rice cereal and a fruit or vege in one sitting.  I told my husband that she reminds me of a little baby bird.  If we don't get the food into her mouth fast enough, she flaps her arms and opens her mouth until she gets a bite.  It's so cute!!!

I've been back at work a little over a month now.  It has gotten easier but I would still much rather spend my days with Eden.  We have all settled into a pretty good routine for now.  I know we have some tough hurdles coming up (teething and such) but I know our girl will get through it just fine.  :)

Here are some of my favorite pics of her 4 months photos.  BTW, you can totally tell she is used to the camera (I swear she is posing in this first one perfectly)  hahahaha