Eden is 5 months old!

I don't know how we got here sooo fast!  Where did month 4 go?!  Before I know it, I'll be planning her 1st birthday party, yikes! 

This past month was a good one as far as milestones go.  Eden is now rolling over at will and rarely wants to lie on her back anymore.  Almost the moment I lay her down, she flips right over!  She has rolled back onto her back a few times, but we still need to work on that a little more until she is comfortable with it. 

She also finally graduated from her pack-n-play and has slept in her crib in her own room a few nights.  Only a few nights, because mom and dad were getting up and checking on her constantly throughout the night.  :)  And when you get up at 5am to go to work, that doesn't work so well!  So we decided that once she gets better at rolling off her tummy then we will transition her in there full time.  Truthfully, I would've used ANY excuse to keep her in the room with us a little longer.  It's so comforting knowing she is right in there with us and I can hear her breath at night. 

Mealtime is going well.  Some of her favorites are sweet potatoes and peas.  She's definitely not a fan of the tart flavors right now like the apples and peaches, but we will keep at it.

Here are a few pics of our little love bug...

Healing

There must be something in the water because in just the last few months almost 10 of our family/friends have either welcomed a new baby into their family or announced their pregnancy!  This time last year that news would have sent me right over the edge, but I'm very happy to say that it doesn't have the same affect on me anymore.  I am truly happy for them all.  Not that I wouldn't have been happy for them before, because it's an absolute blessing.  But, it would've just reminded me of how helpless I felt about my own situation.  Anyone who has had to deal with infertility knows what I mean.  It's really hard to explain this to someone who hasn't experienced some sort of conception problems in one way or another.  Even my own husband really didn't understand it.  I have learned that men and women deal with infertility soooo differently.  When I tried to explain to him that I was mourning, he looked at me crazy.  I had never been pregnant and lost a child, so what exactly was I mourning?  I explained to him that I was mourning the loss of the baby I would never be able to conceive.  Imagine the one thing that you want the most in this world.  The one thing you have been hoping and dreaming for since you were a child.  Then imagine someone telling you that you can NEVER have it...no matter what you do, how hard you try, how much money you spend...you will NEVER be able to have it.  Anyone who can deal with that and not have some feelings of loss is a much stronger person than I! 

But the title of this post is "Healing", so let me tell you how in just one short year, the above news doesn't have me curled up in the corner crying my eyes out. 

As you all can guess, our baby girl Eden has truly healed my heart.  However, I'm ashamed to admit now that adoption wasn't a path I thought I would be able to choose.  It was actually at the first adoption orientation we attended that my eyes were opened.  There was a guest speaker, an adoptive father, who had just recently went through the process.  I remember him asking "What is more important to you?  Being pregnant or being a mother?"  So simple yet so profound.  From that moment on, I knew this path was the one we were meant to be on.

Before that, I was so fixated on getting pregnant and having a biological child at the time.  It became almost an obsession and nothing else was going to be good enough.  I remember telling my Mom at one point "I don't want any random baby, I want MY baby.  I want to look into her eyes and see me."  Wow, was I ever so wrong!  Because Eden IS MY BABY!  I feel she was always meant to be my daughter and that I just had to open my heart and mind so that she could find her way to me.  And the ironic thing is, is that when I look into her eyes, I DO see me!  Being a mom and loving your child is so much more than genetics.  If someone told me today that they could make it so that I could get pregnant and have as many "bio" babies as I wanted, but I had to give Eden up, I would say they were crazy and they could go you know where!  :)  I wouldn't trade her for 100 biological children!  She IS my daughter, period!

While I will always carry with me an infertility scar (both figuratively & literally, from my many surgeries :) ) it has definitely faded to near nothing.  Would I still like to experience pregnancy?  Sure, why not.  But it is definitely no longer a priority or an obsession.  If it happens, great.  And if not, it's really no big deal.  Wow!  I never thought those words would come out of my mouth.  :) 

So, Eden, my beautiful little angel, your Mama thanks you from the depths of my soul for coming into my life and healing this once broken woman.  You were always my path, I just got a little lost on the road.  :)  Love you baby!

4 Months Old & Fabulous!

I know I've said it before, but I still can't believe how FAST time is flying by!  Our baby is 4 months old already.  If only I could stop the clock for a little while or at least slow it down a bit, that would be great.  :)  I still have nothing but good updates on Eden.  I swear we have been blessed with the best baby ever!  LOL  She continues to sleep through the night and I mean ALL the way through.  I usually put her to bed around 8:30 or 9p and she sleeps peacefully until around 7 to 7:30am, at which time she wakes us by "talking".  She has definitely discovered her voice and is not afraid to use it.  She babbles on all day.  It's the cutest thing ever.  We can get her to giggle on command now by acting as silly as possible and tickling her.  There is nothing more sweet to hear than a baby's giggle! 

She did great at her 4 month check up and is now about 13 1/2 lbs and just over 24 inches!  She is doing great propping herself up on her arms and has even rolled over a few times on her own.  We started introducing her to solids this month and she loves them.  She will finish a good serving of rice cereal and a fruit or vege in one sitting.  I told my husband that she reminds me of a little baby bird.  If we don't get the food into her mouth fast enough, she flaps her arms and opens her mouth until she gets a bite.  It's so cute!!!

I've been back at work a little over a month now.  It has gotten easier but I would still much rather spend my days with Eden.  We have all settled into a pretty good routine for now.  I know we have some tough hurdles coming up (teething and such) but I know our girl will get through it just fine.  :)

Here are some of my favorite pics of her 4 months photos.  BTW, you can totally tell she is used to the camera (I swear she is posing in this first one perfectly)  hahahaha

"Twinkle Toes"

I promise Eden's "official" 4-months pics will be posted soon! :)  In the meantime, check out these ones of my little ballerina...

"I'm ready for my close up!"

"On your mark, get set, GO!"

"Really?  I mean really Mom?!  What in the world is this thing?"

"I'm starting to like this!"