Blessed

Eden is fast asleep at this moment tucked away in her crib and I can't help but feel so blessed to have her.  I just want to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming.  Sometimes I still can't believe that there is a "real live baby" in the other room! LOL  We are so blessed to call this baby our daughter.  After all the busy day to day activities, it is at this time of the evening when the reality of it all sinks in.  I'm a mom!  So many years I yearned for that title and now it is mine.  I feel triumphant, like I've just been crowned the winner of a very long marathon.  I want to run through the streets with my "trophy" and new title. :)  My husband jokes that I'm like a peacock swaying my tail back and forth when we are out in public with Eden.  I just want everyone to know that this beautiful child is ours!  I can't help it, I'm a proud mom!  It's amazing how much love you can have for such a tiny being who has only been in our lives for such a short time.  I swear I can actually feel my heart swell with the love I have for her.  It's almost too overwhelming at times and brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  I want so much for her and her future and know that I will do everything in my power to give it to her.  In the meantime, we take each day as a gift and I thank God every night for blessing us with her.

Fears of a Working Mom

I haven't posted much since the beginning of this year because I'm trying to soak in every moment I have with Eden this month.  Unfortunately, I return to work in just one more week, after having been home FT for almost 3 months now.  I'm really really struggling knowing that I have to be away from her all day.  I'm afraid that I will be missing so many things and that she may not remember me as well when she sees me at the end of the day or that we will lose some of the extreme closeness that we have with each other.  Fortunately, she will be with my mom, so I'm at least comforted in the fact that she won't have to go to strangers.  But, I feel that she needs to be with ME, I'm her mommy and I should be the one with her ALL day!  It's so weird, because before she came into our lives, I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom and that I would have no problem returning to work. HA!  What a surprise I was in for!  Now, I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my time.  Unfortunately, it's just not financially possible for me to be home right now.  Maybe if we sold my car, paid off some bills and cut back A LOT, then we could do it.  But, I don't want us to struggle and Eden deserves more than that.  I want to be able to provide her with the life and future she deserves and the future that we promised her and her BP's when she came to us.  That is the only thing that is getting me through this.  I have to tell myself that I am working to support and provide for her.  I know one day we will be in a position where staying home at least PT will be a possibility.  That is my goal this year and if you know me, you know how goal driven I am.  Once I get an idea in my mind, I will do anything to make it a reality.  Eden is a perfect example of that! :) 

Besides, when we decide to welcome baby #2 into our family, I will definitely need to be home more! :)))