I haven't shared very much about the details of our adoption or about the BP's because it is very personal to us. I will share though, that our adoption was open and we set it up to have regular visits with Eden's BP's because we feel that this is important for her and everyone involved.
It's amazing how our feelings about open adoptions have changed throughout this whole process. In the beginning, when we first even started talking about adoption, this was a very scary thought for me. I had all of the preconceived notions in my head about the BP's taking the baby back years later, custody battles, etc, etc. Now, I realize this was simply because we were uneducated about open adoption (like most people are). Honestly too, I had my own selfish insecurities about it. I thought, I couldn't bear the thought of
another woman holding
my baby! I'm ashamed of myself now for even having the thought, because if it weren't for that
other woman, we wouldn't even have our daughter. Now, I find myself saying, "I can't wait to see them! I can't wait for them to see Eden!"
So, we had our first visit with C & D (Eden's BP's) last weekend. This was our first visit with them since the relinquishment meeting, when Eden was only a few days old. We actually would've met with them a lot sooner, and did try to, but all of our schedules just didn't make it possible. The wait however, was worth it because it was an amazing visit! We had lunch and chatted like old friends. We talked about how Eden was doing, their recent accomplishments, and how our lives have changed (for the better) since having Eden. They of course gushed over all of the pictures we gave them of Eden and kept saying how beautiful she was. (which we have them to thank for) :) Eden even got to meet her brother! (whom I hope she will be close with growing up) Both C & D held her almost the entire time, showering her with hugs and kisses. I felt no weirdness or jealousness about it at all. I wanted them to experience what we are able to experience with Eden every day.
There was one awkward moment though. C was holding Eden and trying to get her attention and said "look at mama", obviously meaning herself. I can't say I was jealous, but it definitely caught me off guard. I feel bad because I think she noticed my surprised reaction and she apologized. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that it was ok. After all, she is Eden's Mom too! It's just that my husband and I haven't yet really figured out what to refer to them as when Eden is old enough to understand. We don't want Eden to be confused, yet we want to give C & D the respect that they truly deserve. This is something we need to discuss further between all of us.
C also told us the story of how she picked us from the "waiting families" book and how she knew instantly that we were the ones to raise her baby. This of course brought me to tears. We feel so honored that she chose us personally! When the time comes for us to start telling Eden her birth story and how she came to us, I hope and pray she will be comforted in knowing that her BM chose us especially for her.
I am still so amazed by how strong C & D are, not shedding a tear in front of us. I hope this is because they are comforted in knowing (and now seeing) how well Eden is doing and how loved she is by us. After lunch we went our separate ways, but promising to see each other again soon. It's crazy, but I had such an overwhelming feeling of guilt walking away with her. I just wish our happiness didn't have to be at the expense of someone else's sadness and loss. It makes us that much more determined to provide the happiest and best life for our daughter possible, so that we live up to this precious gift we were given.
