Fears of a Working Mom

I haven't posted much since the beginning of this year because I'm trying to soak in every moment I have with Eden this month.  Unfortunately, I return to work in just one more week, after having been home FT for almost 3 months now.  I'm really really struggling knowing that I have to be away from her all day.  I'm afraid that I will be missing so many things and that she may not remember me as well when she sees me at the end of the day or that we will lose some of the extreme closeness that we have with each other.  Fortunately, she will be with my mom, so I'm at least comforted in the fact that she won't have to go to strangers.  But, I feel that she needs to be with ME, I'm her mommy and I should be the one with her ALL day!  It's so weird, because before she came into our lives, I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom and that I would have no problem returning to work. HA!  What a surprise I was in for!  Now, I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my time.  Unfortunately, it's just not financially possible for me to be home right now.  Maybe if we sold my car, paid off some bills and cut back A LOT, then we could do it.  But, I don't want us to struggle and Eden deserves more than that.  I want to be able to provide her with the life and future she deserves and the future that we promised her and her BP's when she came to us.  That is the only thing that is getting me through this.  I have to tell myself that I am working to support and provide for her.  I know one day we will be in a position where staying home at least PT will be a possibility.  That is my goal this year and if you know me, you know how goal driven I am.  Once I get an idea in my mind, I will do anything to make it a reality.  Eden is a perfect example of that! :) 

Besides, when we decide to welcome baby #2 into our family, I will definitely need to be home more! :)))