Torture

So we attended our "Baby Basics" class the other night at one of our local hospitals.  I chose this class because it was supposed to focus on basic newborn care.  It was the only one I found available that didn't focus on delivery and childbirth.  (This just goes to show you the lack of resources out there for adoptive couples.)  Needless to say, it was pure torture for about the first 30 minutes or so!  I walked into a room full of really pregnant women and their spouses.  As an adoptive parent, we don't get to experience the joy of pregnancy.  It's almost as if I've pushed that "minor detail" out of my mind as a way of coping with my own reality of knowing that I may never get to experience that for myself.  I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach when I walked in and felt VERY uncomfortable.  After all, they were all 7-8 months along with a beautiful big belly and here I walked in with a flat tummy!  Although, nobody was mean or gave me weird looks, I just knew they were all wondering what we were doing there.  But I held my tears back and my head up high while we took our seats.  My sweet husband was holding my trembling hand as the instructor asked each of us to introduce ourselves, our due date, and if it was a boy or girl (I just about burst into tears at that point).  Since we have not been matched with a BM yet, we have none of these details.  Details that many people may take for granted, but that we would love to have instead of being stuck in limbo.  So, I simply explained that we were adopting and still waiting for a call.  My nerves calmed a bit once the instructor started the basics of diapering, bathing, swaddling, etc.  During the feeding lesson, I was once again reminded that I was out of place in this class when she started talking about breastfeeding.  Yet another experience that I may not ever have!  Some of you reading this may say that I'm lucky not to have to gain pregnancy weight, get stretch marks, or endure painful breastfeeding.  However, until you have that "choice" taken away from you, you will not realize what a gift it really is.  I don't want to be segregated into a class just for adoptive parents, but I do wish that the classes were designed for expectant parents of ALL kinds.